


I Lay My Heart Down with the Rest at Her Feet

by violaeade



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Oh my god so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 14:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2814821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violaeade/pseuds/violaeade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEASON TWO SPOILERS what if instead of Lexa telling Clarke she can't sacrifice herself to save Finn, Lexa lets them switch places? What if it's Clarke tied to that pole? These events would take place during episode 2x09</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Lay My Heart Down with the Rest at Her Feet

**Author's Note:**

> apparently i'm a masochist so i wrote this after seeing a post about it on tumblr by user jingleblakes. please don't hate me and also let me know what you think because this was written very quickly and in a haze of sadness. also: the song lyrics from the title are from a beautiful Hozier song called Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene. check it out because he's so amazing

Clarke can’t stop staring at Finn, tied to the pole and staring up at the stars like he’s drinking in the last beautiful sight he’ll ever see. Every second, Clarke has to stop herself from bursting into tears because she can’t stop thinking about Finn—sweet, peaceful Finn—snapping and killing eighteen innocent people. It doesn’t sound like the same boy she once thought she maybe loved, but it also doesn’t sound like someone who deserves to get tortured to death.

Clarke’s hands are shaking and the blade feels heavy in her sleeve, because she knows she won’t kill Lexa. It wouldn’t fix anything, and instead would get every single person from the Ark killed. No. The Grounders have shed enough blood because of her.

“Finn doesn’t deserve to die any more than I do,” Clarke says to Lexa, fighting to keep her voice steady. “He may have killed eighteen innocent people, but I’ve killed three hundred of your people. If anyone should die tonight, it should be me.”

Clarke doesn’t break eye contact with Lexa as she considers Clarke’s offer. Finally, Lexa looks over at Finn, who is now staring at Clarke the same way he’d just been staring at the sky. It makes Clarke’s chest hurt. Lexa looks back to Clarke with a question in her eyes.

“You would be willing to sacrifice yourself for a boy who committed a heinous crime?” she asks and raises her chin.

Clarke licks her lips and takes a deep breath before saying, “I would.”

Lexa looks intrigued. “Why?”

Clarke takes a moment to think about this question. Why would she want to help Finn if it meant killing herself? The answer becomes obvious when she thinks about all the time she spent with Finn since they got to the ground and realizes: he’s steady. She remembers how he made Clarke feel those first few days, how he could make her laugh or smile even when the world felt like it was imploding. He kept her from falling into despair, and that was what she needed.

And without Finn, Raven would be destroyed, even if they weren’t dating any more. Without Clarke, Abby would be heartbroken, but she’d move on. Clarke’s mind wanders to Bellamy, who Clarke has no doubt would be able to keep moving without her. He was fine before he met her, he’d be fine after she died.

“My death would be worth it to make sure Finn lives.”

Lexa nods slowly, taking in this information. “Very well, Clarke. If you so desire, you may take Finn’s place at the pole.”

For a second, Clarke doesn’t move. She feels the full force of this decision bearing her down: if she saves Finn, she will be absolved of the guilt she feels for motivating Finn to murder. If she saves herself, the guilt will eat her alive and Finn will be dead. The choice doesn’t feel like a choice at all, but more like an obligation. She turns and walks calmly to Finn, whose eyes are wide and scared. She almost smiles. _Don’t worry, Finn. I’ll keep you safe._

*

Bellamy watches from the camp as Clarke cuts Finn’s bonds on the pole. His heart is pounding in his chest, and his eyes won’t leave Clarke as she stands alone surrounded by Grounders. Finn hugs her, and she wraps her arms tight around him, and Bellamy feels like he’s holding his breath. Beside him, Abby is clenching her hands into such tight fists that she’s drawing blood from her palms. Clarke says something to Finn; he smiles, and turns and starts walking back up the hill.

Raven is already rushing as fast as she can to the gate to meet him. She jumps into his arms when he gets inside, and she’s crying and laughing and kissing his cheeks and holding him close. Bellamy feels a smile tugging at his lips. _Clarke did it. She saved Finn._ So why isn’t she coming back up the hill, too?

Clarke looks back up to the camp, and her eyes meet Bellamy’s for just a second. She’s crying, he can tell, but she’s smiling, too. Then she looks over at Abby, who is breathing hard and trying her best to keep it together. Lexa lightly touches Clarke’s arm and guides her towards the pole, and suddenly Bellamy understands what happened and why Clarke stayed behind.

She switched places with Finn.

Bellamy feels numb and his heart shatters. Clarke’s going to die down there, she’s going to die for Finn Collins, that reckless son of a bitch, and he can’t let her. Bellamy is consumed with panic.

“NO!” he screams and starts sprinting towards the gate, rushing past the mob of people that congregated near the fence to watch the drama with the Grounders. He’s shoving past civilians and guards all the same, and he bolts out the gate before they could close them and lock him in. “Clarke, no!” he yells again, his voice hoarse.

He can hear Abby screaming now too, and she’s ordering guards to start shooting at the Grounders. Her cries are hysterical, and Bellamy can feel his heart breaking over and over but _no, I’m going to get to Clarke, I’m going to save her_ he keeps telling himself as he runs as fast as he can towards the girl that he’s become so dependant on.

“What are you doing?” Abby shrieks. “Why isn’t anyone shooting?”

“Abby, stop,” Bellamy recognizes Kane’s voice trying to console Abby, but she’s having none of it.

“Marcus, they’re going to kill Clarke!” Abby’s voice sounds so strangled it’s like she can’t even breathe between her sobs. Bellamy knows the feeling.

“I know, Abby,” Kane says, infuriatingly calm.

Bellamy can hear footsteps pounding down the hill after him, and he knows it must be Finn and Raven because everyone else was still inside the gate when he got out. The three of them can save Clarke; Bellamy can feel it.

(So why does his chest hurt so bad he feels like he’s going to collapse?)

Clarke is now tied to the post, tears streaming down her cheeks as she yells Bellamy’s name. “Bellamy,” she cries, sounding broken and terrified, “Stop. Please, Bellamy, stop.” Her voice keeps cracking as she speaks, and she’s no longer trying to hide her fear like she usually does.

He’s calling out her name now, too, willing her to keep holding his gaze. She does, and he can barely stand the hopelessness he sees in her eyes. Bellamy is near the Grounders now, and it’s at that moment that he realizes he forgot to grab his gun. _It doesn’t matter_ , he thinks, feeling more anger in his veins than ever before, _I’ll kill them all with my bare hands if I have to._

He plows into the first Grounder, catching him a little off guard, and tackling him to the ground, but within seconds there are three other Grounders surrounding Bellamy and yanking him off the ground. Bellamy’s thrashing and kicking and can still hear Abby screaming in the background as Lexa slowly unsheathes the sharpest blade Bellamy’s ever seen.

“Let me go,” Bellamy cries as he struggles against the strong grips of the Grounders. His voice is so broken he doesn’t even recognize himself, and sobs are wracking through his whole body. “Clarke! Clarke!” he wails, begging her to save herself if he can’t.

He’s vaguely aware of Finn and Raven in the clutches of other Grounders next to him, struggling and kicking and thrashing, too, but Bellamy can’t peel his eyes away from Clarke. Lexa is standing over Clarke now, who is doing her best to hold her chin high and not look scared anymore. She’s so fucking brave and she can’t die right now, she can’t, she can’t.

“CLARKE!” Bellamy hears Abby scream from the camp, and hears a quick _pop! pop!_ of gunfire. Abby must’ve gotten hold of a gun. Bellamy looks back once, and sees that Kane is wrenching a gun out of Abby’s hands and holding her tight to his chest so she can’t escape. She’s falling apart and stumbling to her knees, crying and calling out Clarke’s name.

Raven and Finn are calling out to Clarke now, too, but Bellamy feels himself go silent as Lexa raises her arm, the blade glinting ominously in the moonlight, and holds the weapon above Clarke’s head.

“Please,” Bellamy whispers, the fight in him crumbling as he can’t seem to escape the Grounder’s arms.

“The price for blood is blood!” Lexa yells, and all the Grounders cheer once. Lexa looks to the Grounders holding Bellamy and nods at them. They immediately stop holding him back, and he collapses to his knees, not expecting the abrupt change. He picks himself up just in time to see Lexa’s blade come down and make a nice, clean slice through Clarke’s neck. Blood is pouring out of Clarke’s throat, and Bellamy can feel his chest heaving as he runs towards her again, the Grounders letting him pass by Lexa’s will. Bellamy hadn't realized until this moment how accustomed to Clarke's presence he had become, and how utterly devastating it felt knowing that he'd never stand with her by his side again. 

Bellamy reaches Clarke and immediately presses both hands to her throat. She’s trying to breathe, trying to speak, and tears are slipping down her cheeks as the only thing she can do now is choke on her own blood. Bellamy knows there’s nothing he can do now to save her, she’s already lost too much blood. His hands are wet and warm and sticky and he’s shaking uncontrollably and coughing out sobs as he watches Clarke start to go limp right in front of him.

“Clarke,” he croaks, his whole body feeling so heavy he doesn’t understand how he hasn’t fallen over. “Clarke!”

She closes her eyes and her head slumps forward. Bellamy refuses to accept she’s dead, and grabs her cheeks in his bloody hands and leans forward to kiss her. He has to do it at least once, and it looks like he's not going to have another chance. He’s fumbling and shaking, and his teeth knock against hers, and all he can taste on her is tears. She doesn’t move, and he keeps his lips pressed to her dead ones for another second before pulling back and drawing a fractured breath.

“Clarke,” he whispers again, stroking his thumb over her still warm cheek. “Oh my God, Clarke,” he sobs, and drops to his knees again. He can’t hear anything anymore over the sound of his own heart breaking in his chest.


End file.
